The Mad Genealogist

Here are some funny quips I have collected over the years and thought I would Share these:

• ***QUARANTINED***GENEALOGY FEVER***INCURABLE***
• A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
• A great many family trees were started by grafting.
• A miser is hard to live with, but makes a great ancestor.
• A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
• Add to your Genealogy the fun, easy way, Have Grand Children!
• After 30 days any unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.
• Alright! Everybody out of the genetic pool!
• Always willing to share my ignorance…
• Am I the only person up my tree? Seems like it.
• Ancestors were just people…
• Any family tree produces some lemons, nuts and bad apples.
• At last a chance to make my skeletons dance!
• Baby = A new acorn on the family tree.
• Beware of the Genealogy Bug; It’s bite can be addictive!
• Biochemists wear designer genes.
• C A U T I O N ! … You have now entered the Genealogy Zone.
• Can a first cousin, once removed, return?
• Cemetery: (n) A marble orchard not to be taken for granite.
• Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
• Cousins marrying cousins: VERY tangled roots!
• Crazy…. is a relative term in MY family.
• Cussin: what genealogists do when they can’t find one.
• Damn! My family tree was just wood-chipped.
• Death is just nature’s way of dropping carrier.
• Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I found I wish I could lose.
• Do I hear the rattle of chains?
• Do I need a Genealogical Search Warrant to see the records?
• Documentation….The is the hardest part of genealogy.
• Don’t judge me by my relatives, I didn’t choose them!
• Don’t sit under the family tree with anyone else but me!
• Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?
• Ever stop to think… and forget to start again?
• Every family tree has some sap in it.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
• Evolution is God’s way of issuing updates.
• Family history: a quilt work of lives.
• FLOOR: (n) The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
• Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate.
• Gene Police! You! **Out of the pool!**
• Gene-Allergy – It’s a contagious disease, but I love it!
• Genealogist caught trying to chop down family tree! — Film at 11!
• Genealogists are like monkeys, always in the trees.
• Genealogists are time unravelers.
• Genealogists diet: “Fiche and Ships topped with tantalizing Sources”!
• Genealogists do it for the memories!
• Genealogists do it generation after generation.
• Genealogists do it in the library.
• Genealogists do it off the record.
• Genealogists do it with a computer.
• Genealogist’s Hunting Season never ends!
• Genealogists live in the past lane.
• Genealogists never die, they just get filed away.
• Genealogists never die, they just haunt archives.
• Genealogists never die, they just loose their roots.
• Genealogists never lose their jobs, they just go to another branch!
• Genealogists should also consider the handsome neighbor…
• Genealogists: People helping people…..that’s what it’s all about!
• Genealogists: Time unravelers.
• Genealogy – a search for the greatest treasures – our ancestors.
• Genealogy – it’s only an obsession after all!
• Genealogy goes on… and on… and on…
• Genealogy in the buff, no…. I mean I’m a genealogy Buff!
• Genealogy is contagious – seldom fatal!
• Genealogy is great when you score!
• Genealogy is in my genes!
• Genealogy is like Hide & Seek: They Hide &…. I Seek!
• Genealogy is my hobby. I collect ancestors & descendants.
• Genealogy is not a hobby, it’s a disease!
• Genealogy is the only hobby where dead people can really excite you.
• Genealogy is T-R-E-E-rific!
• Genealogy…it’s not a hobby, it’s an obsession.
• Genealogy: A hay stack full of needles. It’s the threads I need.
• Genealogy: A search for the greatest treasures, our ancestore.
• Genealogy: Better than the best adventure game and as frustrating.
• Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
• Genealogy: Collecting dead relatives and sometimes a live cousin!
• Genealogy: It’s all relative in the end anyway.
• Genealogy: It’s only an obsession after all!
• Genealogy: Looking for needles in haystacks.
• Genealogy: People collecting people!
• Genealogy: Search long enough and EVERYONE connects somehow.
• Genealogy: The marriage of a jigsaw puzzle to a dungeon & dragons game.
• Genealogy: Tracing descent from someone who didn’t.
• Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
• Genealogy: Where you confuse the dead and irritate the living.
• Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers.
• Give me your tired, your poor … they’re genealogists!
• God gave us relatives, luckily we can choose our friends!
• God! What a mess this family’s in.
• Having children is hereditary. If your parents didn’t have you you probably won’t either!
• He ain’t heavy–He’s my brother’s aunt’s sister’s husband.
• He who dies with the most ancestors wins!
• Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
• Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Now where did my ancestors go?
• Hooked on Genealogy works for me!
• How can just one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE ??
• Hunting season is all year long in genealogy.
• I am NOT illiterate! My parents WERE SO MARRIED!!
• I checked out my family tree. Just as I thought… poison ivy!
• I collect dead relatives and sometimes a live cousin!
• I finally got it all together. Now where did I put it?
• I found a cuckoo’s nest in my family tree.
• I looked at my family tree…there were two dogs using it.
• I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
• I never steal taglines – I’m a genealogist – I just adopt them.
• I only work on Genealogy on days that end in “Y”.
• I researched my family tree… apparently I don’t exist!
• I shook my family tree, a bunch of nuts fell out.
• I should have asked them BEFORE they died!
• I think my ancestors had several “bad heir” days.
• I think my family tree is a few branches short of full bloom.
• I think that I shall never see a completed Genealogy!
• I trace my family history so I will know who to blame.
• I used to have a life, then I started doing genealogy.
• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. not screaming and yelling like the passangers in his car…
• I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.
• I wonder if a “Missing Persons Bulletin” would locate my g-g-grandpa?
• I’d love to, but I’m converting from Julian to Gregorian!
• I’d rather look for dead people than have ‘em look for me.
• If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
• If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton – George Bernard Shaw
• If your family tree doesn’t fork, you might be a redneck.
• I’m always late. My ancestors must have arrived on the Juneflower.
• I’m no genealogist. … Until this year I spelled it “GeneOlogist!”
• I’m not crazy, but I may have lost my census!
• I’m not sick, I’ve just got fading genes.
• I’m not stuck, I’m ancestrally challenged.
• I’m searching for myself; have you seen me?
• I’m stuck in my family tree, and I can’t get down.
• In MY family…. CRAZY is a relative term!
• Is your family tree evergreen or deciduous?
• Isn’t genealogy fun? The answer to one problem, leads to a dozen more!
• It is hereditary in my family not to have children.
• It’s 1999. Do you know where your great-grandparents were?
• It’s a poor family that hath neither a whore or a thief.
• It’s hard to be humble with ancestors like mine!
• It’s hard to believe that someday I’ll be an ancestor.
• I’ve fallen into my family tree and I can’t get out!
• I’ve got YOUR family tree all staked out!!
• Jeanealogy: the study of LEVIS and WRANGLERS.
• Just when you think you’ve found them all, up pops another!
• Kinship: it`s all relative!
• Learn from your parents mistakes – use birth control!
• Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.
• Life is too short and you’re dead too long.
• Life takes it’s toll. Have exact change ready!
• Life, liberty and the right to know who your ancestors are.
• Live so the preacher won’t have to lie at your funeral!
• Looking for needles in haystacks.
• Many a family tree needs trimming.
• Marriage is….. breeding in captivity!!
• May all your family trees branch toward the stars!
• May the Saint of Genealogists Bless You!
• May you ask the right question of the right person at the right time.
• Misers are hard to live with but they make great ancestors.
• Most of my family roots are underground.
• My ancestors are Copyrighted. You have my permission to use the data.
• My ancestors are hiding in a witness protection program.
• My ancestors did WHAT?!?
• My family came on the Mayflower…or was it Allied?
• My family coat of arms ties at the back…..is that normal?
• My family tree died in the last drought.
• My family tree is a few branches short! Help appreciated.
• My family tree is full of NOT holes… it’s NOT him, it’s NOT her!!!
• My family tree is in the forest, somewhere!
• My family tree is lost in the forest.
• My family tree keeps leaning to the east!!
• My family tree must have been used for firewood.
• My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever.
• My hobby is genealogy,, and I raise dust bunnies as pets.
• My life has become one large Gedcom!!
• My problems are all relative.
• My roots only go down so far, but my branches spread forever!
• No – yes – maybe – could be – perhaps. Musings of a genealogist.
• Not tonight dear, I just got the new versions of MG & FTM!
• Nothing ventured, nothing gained, no one found!
• Okay, so I don’t descend from anyone… now what?
• Old genealogists never die, they just haunt cemeteries.
• Old genealogists never die, they just lose their census.
• Old Genealogists never die. They just haunt Archives.
• Olly, olly, oxen free! All hiding ancestors can come out NOW!
• Once I gave up on reality, I had so many more options.
• One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness, it is usually returned!
• Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
• Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
• Others work from sun to sun! But a genealogists work is never done!!
• Pruning the Family Tree is NOT permitted!
• RELATIVES…People who come to dinner who aren’t friends.
• Remember, undocumented genealogy is mythology.
• Research: What I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.
• Researching [YOUR NAME] anytime, anywhere, any takers?
• Searching for lost relatives? Win the Lottery!
• Searching for roots beats chasing dust bunnies!
• Searching shipping records? Simply naval gazing.
• Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
• Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality.
• Sharing genealogy is a rewarding experience!
• Shh! Be vewy, vewy quiet…I’m hunting forebearers.
• Sign of a redneck: circular family tree.
• Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
• Snoopers welcome! Feel free to provide comments and relatives!
• So many ancestors…so little time!
• So many dead men! So little time!
• Someday YOU’LL be an ancestor too!
• Sometimes you find an ancestor hanging from the family tree!
• Still trying to decorate my family tree.
• Sure, a real job would be nice, but it would interfere with my genealogy!
• Take nothing but ancestors, leave nothing but records.
• That’s strange; half my ancestors are WOMEN!
• That’s the problem with the gene pool: No lifeguard.
• The black sheep keeps the best info on the family.
• The fellow who leans on his family tree may never get out of the woods.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
• Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we’re all related.
• There are no answers, only cross-references.
• There is no fire, officer! I’m just chasing my ancestors!
• There is no such thing as a useless piece of information.
• There is strength them there Roots.
• They’ve said *you* are the fertilizer of your family tree!
• Time and Genealogy waits for no man.
• To a genealogist, EVERYTHING is relative!
• Trees without roots fall over.
• Try genealogy. You can’t get fired and you can’t quit!
• Warning!! There are no lifeguards in the gene pool!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then it gets worse.
• We shall find no ancestor before his time.
• We shall gather at the river (or the genealogy library if it rains).
• What do you mean my “grandparents didn’t have any kids”?
• What do you mean my Birth Certificate expired?
• What do you mean my family tree has root rot!
• What have you done with my ancestors’ papers??
• When I searched for ancestors, I found friends!
• When marriage is outlawed only outlaws will have inlaws.
• When tracing ancestors, please stay within the lines!
• When you marry, your family tree can become a forest.
• When your mind goes blank, don’t forget to turn off the sound!
• Whoever said “seek and ye shall find” was NOT a genealogist.
• Who’s in charge of washing the Family Group Sheets?
• Why are there so many gnarled limbs on my family tree?
• With MY luck, my family tree has root-rot!
• Yikes! My genes are faded and full of holes!
• Your genealogy is never done!!